130 2 Chronicles 18-20

  Jehosephat allied with Ahab, the king of Israel, through marriage, and started repairing the fracture between the two nations.  Ahab asked to Jehosephat to go to war with him against Ramoth Gilead, some random middle-eastern parcel of desert.  Befoire Jehosephat would agree to such a war though, he asked about what the Lord thought.  Ahab brought all his prophets out and they all said that whatever Ahab wanted to do would be awesome, but Jehosephat pressed him and asked if he had any prophets of the Lord.  Ahab admitted that there was a prophet of the lord in Israel named Micah, but he complained that it was a drag to listen to Micah because all he did was say negative things all the time.  Jehosephat insisted that they hear what Micah had to say though so Ahab dutifully summoned him.

  Micah heard that all the cool prophets were telling Ahab that he would crush Ramoth Gilead and be awesome forever, so he tried to tell the two kings the same thing they had been hearing so far.  Micah was a bad liar though and Ahab ordered him to tell them what the Lord had actually revealed to him.

  Micah told the kings that things would not go well at all in battle, so Ahab had him put in prison and ordered that he have nothing  but bread and water until his own safe return from the front.  So really there's no way for Micah to win here.  The warning must have had some effect though because Ahab wore a disguise to the battle so no one would know who he was.

  When they actually went out to fight Ramoth Gilead, the enemy had orders to ignore all of the Judean and Israelite soldiers and to concentrate only on the king.  Since Jehosephat was dressed as a king and Ahab was disguised as a random charioteer, this did not bode well for Jehosephat.  Enemy soldiers began pursueing him immediately.  He prayed to God though and the Lord protected him.  The enemy soldiers realized that he was not the king of Israel and stopped following him.  Meanwhile, Ahab was struck by a random spear and died by nightfall.

  Jehosephat wasn't completely off the hook though.  He had gone to war on the side of Ahab even though he knew that a prophet of the lord had spoken out against it.  As soon as he got back home, his own prophets of the Lord gave him an earfull.  But, he did tear down all the Ashera poles so he bought himself a little bit of leeway I guess.

  Some people from the east came in later and tried to invade Judah, but Jehosephat went before the Lord and prayed about it.  He asked God if He would allow someone to come in and take the land that God had given to the Isaraelites back in the day, especially since the only reason they were neighbors with these people from the East anyway was because God had forbidden Aaron and the original Israelite armies from wiping these guys out.  Now God is surprisingly susceptible to cogent arguments in the Old Testiment so He agrees that it's not fair for foreigners to come in and swipe the land He gave to them, so if the Judean army goes out and stands their ground in an act of faith, they won't even have to fight.  They do, so they don't.  Judah wins without firing a shot when the other army tears itself apart in the night.  Judah even gets the plunder.

  Jehosephat rules for 35 years which it a huge amount of time compared to most other kings.  The impression I get from him is very devout, but a little naive.  Aside from that misguided alliance with Ahab, he also tries to reconcile with Israel a second time by allying with Ahzakiah, another king of Israel, to build some ships for trading.  God still doesn't like Israel though so all his ships sink.

Day 89 I Samuel 18-20

            Saul is starting to get concerned about David’s growing popularity.  Everyone knows that David is getting these great military victories all the time and everyone except Saul seems to realize that it’s because God is with him.  Saul reacts mostly by yelling at people and throwing his spear at David a couple times.

            David went to seek refuge with Samuel for a while and when Saul sent men after him, they ended up prophesying with Samuel there in stead.  Twice more Saul sent men, but each time they kept getting caught up in the spirit of the lord and prophesying.  Finally Saul came himself.  He saw what was going on and started prophesying.

            I feel like they mean something different when they say prophesy than I mean when I say prophesy.

            All this time David has cultivated an extremely close relationship with Saul’s son Jonathan.  Like, it kind of sounds like they’re sleeping together, close.  They set up a very Hardy Boys scheme to prove that Saul is out to kill David because Jonathan is having trouble believing it.  Their plan works and Jonathan is convinced, but not before Saul throws a spear at him and calls him a “son of a perverse and rebellious woman.”

            In the end, David and Jonathan part ways with an oath that there be friendship between their families forever.

Day 14 Genesis 41-42

God does a little scheming and sends Pharaoh a couple dreams which none of his mages or advisors can interpret for him This jogs the memory of the cup-bearer who tells him about Joseph. Joseph comes in and tells the Pharaoh that there are going to be 7 years of good crops then 7 years of terrible famine and that he should start a government program to collect all the extra grain so they have something for later when all the crops start failing.

Pharaoh puts Joseph in charge of the program, and basically the entire country. He gives him lots of power and nice things, a pretty wife and a big house. Joseph has two sons, Ephram and Manassah.

When the famine strikes, just like Joseph said, Pharaoh is as impressed with Joseph as ever, so he’s the one you had to go talk to if you wanted to buy some grain. Canaan was having the same drought as Egypt, so Jacob and his sons needed to buy some of that grain Joseph had stored up. When they arrived, Joseph called them spies and started messing with them. They didn’t recognize it was Joseph so they were freaking out. They had left the youngest of them, Benjamin, at home so Joseph told them to go back and get him. As collateral, he kept Simeon.

When they returned to Jacob, he was really upset. He didn’t want to let them take Benjamin. Benjamin and Joseph were the only sons of Rachel, Jacobs favorite wife, so he was extra worried about possibly losing them both. He refuses to let the other brothers take Benjamin, essentially saying that he’d rather have Benjamin that Simeon.

Day 12 Genesis 35-37

God told Jacob/Israel to move back to Bethel where he’d first heard from God. Rachel had one more son and then died. Isaac also died much later very old and happy, and was then buried by his sons. Jacob and Leah’s son Reuben slept with Jacob’s concubine Bilah, who was also Rachel’s maidservant.

Esau settled in Seir and his descendants became the Edomites. Lot’s of leaders of people groups I’ve never heard of came from Esau, so that’s nice for him. I’m glad to see that everything seems to go pretty well for Ishmael and Esau. I think it’s interesting that they are connected through Esau marrying a woman from Ishmael’s people, which, you’ll recall, he did to try to make Rebekah happy. I feel like this Ishmael, Esau line would be a good place to look for some kind of recurring villain troupe if we were telling a dramatic story.

I can see why Islam is happy to claim that lineage. They seem like nice enough guys who kind of get the short end of the stick. Often they seem like better men than the line of Abraham actually. I suppose there’s probably a lesson in that, but I don’t know what.

In Chapter 37 we meet Joseph for the first time. It says he’s favored by Jacob because he was given to Jacob in his old age, which sounds like Jacob had a soft spot for him because he’s the youngest, but his brother Benjamin is younger than him and not as favored. Also, there’s a reference to Joseph doing something with his brothers and my text refers to them as the sons of Bilah and Zilpah, but it doesn’t mention Leah. There was so much bitterness and politics in Leah and Rachel’s relationship. I wonder if that omission is intentional for some reason.

For whatever reason, Jacob loves Joseph most even though he’s kind of weird and talks about having dreams which sound like they’re about the rest of the family all worshiping him. His brothers are jealous so, once they get the chance alone out in the desert, they start thinking about killing him and telling their father he was eaten by an animal or something. Rueben, the one who had an affair with his step-mother earlier, says “No no, don’t shed his blood, let’s throw him in this cistern and leave him there in stead.” I’m not really sure what the difference is, but he sounds like he thinks he’s doing Josheph a big favor by lobbying for him to be left alone in the desert to die in stead of just stabbing him.

Judah sees a caravan of Ishmaelites coming along down the road (nice name-drop) and convinces his brothers to sell Joseph into slavery because, hey, they wouldn’t turn any profit from just offing Joseph. This way they get rid of their irritating little brother and make a tidy 20 shekels in the process. Then they dip Joseph’s robes in goat blood and take them home to tell their father that Joseph’s dead.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: the leaders of the twelve tribes of Israel.